I'm a new dad and I'm going to tell it like it is!

Today is my mother's birthday (Happy Birthday Mom!)  It is purely coincidental that I'm taking the time today to write my first blog on my mom's birthday on a topic of parenting.  I'm also pretty sure my mother will be at least a little surprised by the name of my blog page - although, only slightly surprised, because anyone that knows me knows that I'm creatively eccentric.

I'm going to start my very first 'blog' with something that I would have loved to be told some time before being in the middle of being a new dad!  I'm sure the experience that my wife and I shared is a unique one - unique meaning that no matter how similar other's situations may be, there's no way it will be identical.  To avoid long, drawn out suspense - being a new dad is REALLY DIFFICULT - very demanding and draining - emotionally and physically!  You often feel like you're feelings don't matter and it's easy to justify that considering all that your wife is going through and all the needs of your new baby. 

I probably have depression of some sort - can new dads get postpartum depression?  Probably - do I 'have the time' to deal with it?  Not really.  I don't even want to go into the details of the emergency c-section and the horrific thoughts and worries that I dealt with during the birth process - not to mention how much my wife went though (aka ALL of it!) I was just there watching and trying to be supportive and strong. 

Fast forward to now - our 2 month old son is healthy, my wife is healthy physically and mostly healthy mentally and I'm confused and sad and excited and happy and have a family, but also lonely - all at the same time.  The lack of sleep really isn't the main thing people should prepare you for - you get used to that after a few weeks and then it starts to improve (unfortunately for the mom - she gets even less sleep than the dad)  No matter what grand plans you have to be as involved and helpful as possible you can obviously never do as much as mom.

I think that's where a lot of the frustration and sadness and confusion may stem from for a new dad - I want to do more than I can and cannot accept that I cannot.  That and while I am at work my son is spending all of his time with mom and doesn't frequently seem to really care that daddy is home when I am, but I know - he's just a baby and he's definitely bonded more with mom - he's been living within her for nearly 9 months!

So back to the point - being a new dad and really being a new parent (because this certainly applies to the mom as well) is nothing you can really be prepared for, but if you can get it into your head that it will be nothing like anything you've ever experience and it will challenge you with a screaming baby that you can never figure out, more diaper changes than you would ever imagine, and constant demands on you that you struggle to keep up with, then you will be at least a little more prepared for what is in store.  

Then there's the missing relationship with your wife - that's really the hardest part for me, because I'm an extremely emotionally needy person.  I've come to realize that more and more over the years.  I need to feel loved and needed and safe in the 'emotional arms' of my friends and loved ones and there is no relationship more important or critical to this than my marriage.  Typically you get married, then have children - that is what my wife and I did and as soon as we were married we were pregnant - quite literally!  (I can explain the birds and the bees another time - and likely will!)  So now you're married and pregnant and so excited to be planning for this baby and this new family, but as soon as the baby arrives there is pretty much nothing else but that baby.  

Does that sound selfish, because I feel selfish needing and wanting some quality time with my wife - even just a few minutes to talk about my day or my day-dreams, but there's rarely any time for that and a new dad - at least THIS new dad, starts to feel unimportant to anyone even though you are now more important to your wife and child than you've ever been to anyone else before.